Thursday, May 19, 2016

Rearview mirror

This Ten of Air(Swords) is so much easier for me to deal with than the rendition of the Ten of Swords in RWS deck.  The picture with all the swords in my back fills me with pain and agony.  In this Ten of Air I see what I do with those memories, leave them behind.  How much pain and agony is buried in the recesses of my mind? 

When new painful events arise and in my life, small fissures occur within the minefield of buried memories.  What is so painful now reminds me of past traumas and then not only do I have to deal with what is happening here and now, I also have to face something that surges from the past.  It can be overwhelming and those are the times I want to pack a bag and walk away from it all or succumb to despair and depression.  Can I leave the past in the past?  Not I think, because some of it is who I am today.   To paraphrase a quote of someone "when the past calls don't answer it, it has nothing new to say."  There are moments though I just have to look it in the eye, hopefully with Compassion, yank the swords out of my back and let some healing begin.

3 comments:

  1. Our individual IED's, waiting to go off just when we think we're healing

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  2. I know the feeling all to well. But somehow it always changes and it never is the same as it was before. So again the fear for what was it often bigger then the actual memory itself
    This afternoon M and I cleared out my husband fishing tools in the shed. it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be

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  3. Those triggers that take us back to the past can be so powerful and overwhelming at times. But to realize you chose not to lay down and die but to recover and remake your life - now that is something worth celebrating.

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