Wait a minute, didn't I just do that?

While on my walk about that I started yesterday in my Seven of Air, I have got caught up in a storm.  The only thing to do was to build or find myself a refuge and ride out the storm.  This card has so much brown.  To be enveloped in this brown shroud could weaken anyone's resolve to keep moving along that path. 

Isn't that the way of things.  Determined to try something new, begin a new regimen, make those New Years resolutions, and then something blows in and knocks us off our path.  I have been reading Dr. Joe Dipenza's book, YOU ARE THE PLACEBO.   We have 60,000 - 70,000  thoughts a day and most are the same thoughts as yesterday. I thought, no wonder I have such a challenge making a change (challenge and change) when only a small portion of my waking day is making any progress.
So now I have to give this card a different look see and think, it may not represent riding out the storm, but giving myself some meditation time, to quiet the mind from all my turbulent thoughts and think some new thoughts.
 
"If you always do what you have always done, you are always going to get what you already got."  -Henry Ford

Artwork - Journey through the Gaian Tarot ~ Joanna Powell Colbert

Two steps forward, one back

Yesterday I drew the Ten of Air in which I was dealing with an issue and then leaving it behind.  Now I need to make a plan and map out my course.  This way or That?  The booklet says it is time to strategize, plan, and prepare to move in a new direction, and being a gal of lists and details that just what I will do.  There could be trials and tribulations ahead, roadblocks and detours, but I can no longer resist the call to move along.

I do a Celtic Cross spread at the first of the year and this Seven of Air was in the reading in the most recent past position and the year before this same card was in the near future position.  Come on Carolyn you really need to see these as prompts from the Universe to get going.  I had a dream last night of walking.  I couldn't remember where I parked my car and so I was walking and walking, to and fro.  I met a few people along the path that were sympathetic to my dilemma but of no real help, so I had to just keep moving along finding my way.  And that's the way of it isn't it?  You can get all kinds of advice but it is me that has to lace up and get going. 
Also I have been doing a little reading on numerology and today is a seven day.  May 20, is  5/20 reducing to seven.  Time to get the map out.

Rearview mirror

This Ten of Air(Swords) is so much easier for me to deal with than the rendition of the Ten of Swords in RWS deck.  The picture with all the swords in my back fills me with pain and agony.  In this Ten of Air I see what I do with those memories, leave them behind.  How much pain and agony is buried in the recesses of my mind? 

When new painful events arise and in my life, small fissures occur within the minefield of buried memories.  What is so painful now reminds me of past traumas and then not only do I have to deal with what is happening here and now, I also have to face something that surges from the past.  It can be overwhelming and those are the times I want to pack a bag and walk away from it all or succumb to despair and depression.  Can I leave the past in the past?  Not I think, because some of it is who I am today.   To paraphrase a quote of someone "when the past calls don't answer it, it has nothing new to say."  There are moments though I just have to look it in the eye, hopefully with Compassion, yank the swords out of my back and let some healing begin.

"Second star to the right"

I wonder how many of us become what are parents wanted and expected us to become?  Do we do what they did and wanted us to do because we wanted to please them?  Do we follow in their footsteps because it was the path of least resistance instead of finding our own way?  Here we find a dad sharing drumming time.  Is drumming something this young gal wanted to do or did she go along to spend time with dad?

I am in a transitional time of my life.  Things have been changing and I want and need to find the more authentic me.  The Carolyn that I was meant to be.  There are huge parts of me that have been shaped from childhood that just don't work anymore.  So how to strip away the layers of the years to get back to the me of me? 
I think about a scene in the movie HOOK, where Robin Williams as an adult Peter goes back to Neverland to search for his children.  He is the midst of the Lost Boys and Tinkerbell is trying to convince them that he really is Peter Pan, when one of the boys walks up to Peter looking him over and straight in the eye and says "why - there you are Peter."  I sometimes too look in the mirror trying to find the lost me.   "And straight on till morning."

Journey through the Gaian Tarot - Joanna Powell Colbert

Airborne and Grounded

Yesterday I tuned into the Hay House World Summit and listened to an interview with Dr. Joe Dispenza.  He was discussing the healing and the transformational awareness that one can achieve during meditation.  He tells us in deep meditation that we can become Pure Consciousness -"at your absolute best when you get beyond yourself."  I have heard this before but I can get distracted in my meditation and have not yet reached this pinnacle.

Here I see true awareness of oneself in body and thought.  A walking meditation in a lavender field, with my body completely rooted in the earth, yet part of me is airborne.  I think at this moment pure awareness and healing can be achieved.
Recently there was a meditation class that I stopped in and joined for the evening and the instructor mentioned that while on vacation we are more conscious and aware.  All the sights, sounds, flavors, and colors, everything is more vivid, we are more Present.  We disengage from our lives and immerse ourselves in vacation mode, a definite form of meditation.
Maybe a vacation to this rich and luscious lavender field is something to consider.

Journey through the Gaian Tarot - Joanna Powell Colbert

Shadow

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate; our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our Light not our Darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?  But actually who you not to be?  You are a child of God.  You playing small doesn't serve the World.  There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.  We are all meant to shine.  As children do.  We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us.  It's not just in some of us.  It's in everyone.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, Our Presence automatically liberates others."
        -Marianne Williamsom  A RETURN TO LOVE

Sacred Space

"Today I give myself permission to do absolutely nothing but sit and be open to Divine Wisdom."  -  Today's affirmation from my desk top calendar from Hay House. 

Something shifted in my life over the weekend and so this card and today's affirmation is very appropriate.  I chose. I will not go quietly into the night.  I will not wither and die on the vine.  I am going to give myself a day of contemplation.  I have read about the practice of Automatic Writing and may give that a try today.

"All endings are also beginnings.  We just don't know it at the time."               - Mitch Albom


Journey through the Gaian Tarot